Something I Want to Remind Myself.

Just want to remind myself of this again. There are times when I fear that I do not know what to do or would not be able to do what I am supposed to. Although the fear does not consume or paralyze me it still has a way of coming back in the form of worries.

All I can do is cast all these cares to Him and every time they come back, I take that time to remind myself that He's already taking care of it for me.

I'm glad that I can believe His word for it.

Thanks goes to Clarice for reminding me of this from Joshua 1:9

"... Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."

If He's got my back then even my mistakes will work out for my good. I have nothing to fear.

An Attempt at Sonnet (Dedicated to my Dad)

There are many things about you that I'm thankful for,

The many things, great and small, that you go through,

You give so much even when I do not ask for more,

Do things thinking it's simple but actually has much ado.

When I was much smaller, we would snuggle in our bed,

I would lie there and you would then sing me a lullaby,

It felt so comforting, as I rested my weary little head,

And soon I grew out of that as time passed by.

From you I've learned many things needful for a man,

You taught me how to cycle, to fight, to play the guitar,

You have always encouraged me to do the best I can,

And you gave me something that nothing is on par,

You gave me the best gift, the gift of knowing Jesus,

And from then my life was never the same thus.

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

I LOVE YOU!

I am not fully able to express my love for you,

Love is not easily described in mere words,

Often, actions are not enough to do so but

Very blessed am I, to have you in my life,

Each time I remember that, I thank God.

You are the first love of my life,

On longing for you I shed my first baby tears, and

Until I find "the one", you'll always be my first lady.

Happy Birthday, Ma! May your youth continue to be renewed like the eagle's and thank you for being such an awesome mom.

I LOVE YOU!

Casting Cares

Yesterday, I had the chance to be involved in the Arrow Varsity Cluster CIP event which was to bring students from a primary school to Sentosa. The plan was to bring them to Underwater World and to watch the show at the Dolphin Lagoon.

On the briefing notes there was this one point which Weiyi, my team IC, shared on and that was the point about helping the kids to carry their belongings to make their day more enjoyable. She shared that it was like how Daddy God wants to take all our worries, cares, fears and our "baggage" because "He cares for [us]" (1 Pet. 5:7).

When I met the boy that was going to be my "buddy" for the day, I offered to carry his bag. He hesitated at first and shook his head. He was very quiet and I guess he was a little shy so he tried to reply with as little words as possible and preferred to answer with a nod or shake of the head. His reaction reminded me that sometimes we hesitate to give our cares to God and we would rather carry it ourselves. He already offered that we "cast all [our] cares on Him" (1 Pet. 5:7) but we do not often take Him up on that offer.

I was reminded of what Pastor Benjamin shared during the last Arrow Service and the Care Group message about giving our cares to God. That encounter with the boy and his bag has become a reminder to me of how much God wants to lavish His love on us and He wants to take all our heavy burdens and take care of it for us. The only thing stopping Him from doing so is when we choose to carry the weight upon ourselves. I was definitely not going to force the boy to give me his bag, but I did offer and he decided to allow me to help him.

I cannot speak for the boy but I felt that he was much happier running around without his baggage to weigh him down and seeing him so carefree made me feel good. I believe that God experiences the same feeling when we allow Him to be God and carry for us our cares.

Even though I just met the boy, because he was assigned to me, I felt a desire to take care of him. It's a very natural human instinct to take care of someone much younger and it could even be seen as obligatory but I wanted and I tried to make his day as fun as possible for him. How much more for God who loves us so much? Who thinks of us so much that if we were to number the thoughts He has towards us, "they would outnumber the grains of sand" (Ps 139:18). And each of those thoughts are "thoughts of peace not of evil, to give [me] a future and a hope" (Jer 29:11). He wants us to experience a fulfilling life and life more abundantly!

If He cares for me so much then I want to allow Him to carry every single care that I have. Even if they may try to come back when I have already cast them to Him, I want to keep on casting and casting and casting and I know that soon enough, that care will be taken care of.

Pre- and Post-baptism Thoughts

Some time prior to Baptism I started thinking to myself: What if after going through it, I don't feel different or what if after going through it, nothing changes? I did not want the whole experience to be just that - an experience.

As I sat there thinking, I felt God impress upon my spirit these thoughts encouragements: For any change that is to come, it would not be by my own attempts to change because I've tried to change through will-power and it does not last long. Any change to come will be a fruit of the spirit. It would only be through His grace that I can change and no amount of will-power can cause an effective, definitive change. I rested in the assurance that the heart transformation that I desired was not something dependent on my own actions but it is something that the Holy Spirit will manifest in my life.

Even as I type this I realize how effortless the change is going to be because even now, just day two after getting baptized, I personally see some changes in my personal life, in my desires, in my way of thinking. Slowly but surely, the work that He has begun is progressing with a different life. It's really inexplainable.

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"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." 2 Corinthians 5:1

Baptism Day

Azriel. It means "God is my help". It's a personal reminder to me that in everything I do, God is my help. I've always been the kind of person who will only remember that I can ask for God's help when I'm at a dead end or I do not know what to do next. So it's a reminder that even before I undertake any task or for any situation in my life, I know that God is my help. It's an additional name that I put on my baptism certificate. So it should be: John Gabriel Azriel Cruz Utanes.

According to the Jewish calendar, today's date, October 3, 2009 coincides with the Jewish festival, the Feast of Tabernacles, which also happens to be the actual date that Jesus was born. I believe everyone who was baptized today felt a special sense of awe and humility to find out that the day we are "resurrected" is the day that grace-personified himself was born.

When we got back to Suntec after the baptism we decided to go for a swim. =D Haven't had a chance to swim for a while now and my legs felt like jelly after swimming from one end of the pool to the other. Really enjoyed myself today. =D

I felt today's message was very amazing. Pastor Benjamin preached on victory, which is manifested when we cast our cares to God. I feel there's a special anointing as today is the day that victory-personified himself was born.

I kind of felt self-conscious towards the end of the praise and worship because I was somewhere near the front and after a session of ministering I understand why people would be hesitant to come back to the front for the praise songs and I felt weird being so "exposed" at the front until this thought came to me: Why think about what people might say? If they're busy looking at me then that means they're too busy to look at God. That just reminded me again that praise and worship is a personal time between God and me and it really does not matter what people think - just as long as I'm not distracting to other people.

I'm considering utilizing the nearby Sports Centre to have personal swimming sessions. After today's mini-session I felt that it's actually good exercise. Maybe Fridays will be my designated swimming day?

I came across this video of a nice song after a friend posted it on facebook. I think it's really nice, but I think the original version isn't.